spiralling.

i hate you.
i hate going out with all of you.
i hate clubbing.
i hate surrounding myself with people who are smarter than me.
who dance better than me.
who looks better than me.
who can dress better than me.
who knows what they want in life.
who goes out and get what they want in life.

i hate the fact that i cannot live without all of you.
because you are my oxygen but yet poison all at once.

i hate that every night i pray that i won't wake up the next day.
because living through another day is just so difficult.

i hate that i need to dance to live but all at the same time,
i feel like killing myself with each move i make.

you never understood me.
i don't think you ever will. if you had to ask me wot's wrong,
than you never knew me at all.

i think i'm spiralling out of control.
it's funny how the mirror never lies and you wish it does.
at least for once.

i let the water run. i plugged the sink and let the water fill to its brim. they say water means life. that they represent life. but all i see when i look into it is just my reflection. and how i wished i didn't wake up this morning. i unplugged the sink and the water drains. fast. how i wish i could do that. dissipate. fast. disappear. no one really cares.