is 3 the new 2? maybe not...
They say that love transcends all boundaries. We don’t choose love, love chooses us. But when we get caught in a love triangle, how do we know that when love chooses us, it was the right choice?
While having late night coffee with the boys one Friday night, we started talking about our love lives, or rather they started talking about theirs and I started imagining mine! Kelvin is in a relationship with someone who is already in a relationship and Steve just got out of one the same. It appears to me that being the third party in a relationship is the entire rave now. It’s so ubiquitous nowadays in our society that it has become sort of a trend. So as I listen in on the conversation, I couldn’t help but wonder. Is 3 the new 2 in a relationship?
A friend once told me that everybody cheats. And those who say they haven’t are those that are not in a relationship or have yet to be caught. After all, what is cheating if not to be caught? I’m not advocating the act itself but the thrill of doing it, knowing the possibilities of getting caught makes the relationship and its sweet bedroom rewards all the more enticing and fun. However, lest we forget, there will come a time when the thrills fade away and all we want is to be in the first chair and the relationship to be mutually exclusive to us. Because let’s face it, they may be sleeping with us now but it’s the lover’s arms that they return to at the end of the night. So in an orchestra of love, how far can we go playing second fiddle to our lover’s lover?
That night, as I lay in bed thinking of what had been discussed, I pondered upon the topic of love and relationship: in a city filled with endless possibilities, how is it that it has become impossible for smart, talented people to find love, one that is mutually exclusive to us? Are sex and relationships only exciting when you get caught? As I pondered on these questions, another thought came. Maybe, it’s not about thrill. Maybe it’s really just about love. And if so, can what started out as pure lust and non-committal sex turn into love? How long will we be able to delude ourselves into thinking that we’re alright with being in a ‘kinked’ relationship?
In life, we meet all kinds of people. Some of which we cannot stand and some we helplessly fall in love with or as Olivia Newton-John puts it hopelessly devoted to. And amongst this category of people we fall in love with, there are those that are already in a relationship. So we are hit with a conundrum – to be (in a relationship) or not to be? Our mind tells us of the wrong journeys we are about to embark on but our heart refuses to let go of the one thing that could be the light at the end of a very long and dark alley. As we embark on this ‘kinked’ relationship, we are no longer talking about thrills or spills. We’re talking about love, unsparingly hard love.
Spending Saturday watching the fab four in Sex & the City brought light on these issues. It made me realize that perhaps because we are so much in love, we tend to fake the reality of the issue in hopes of not confronting it or risk being alone. We refuse to confront the other party about their cheating behavior. To us, it’s better to just not talk about it and enjoy what’s ours than to open up the can of worms and destroy what we have. Most importantly, we forget the one thing that could save us all – can one love & cheat at the same time?
While women are no strangers to faking an orgasm, men fake about everything else. We fake our eye and hair colour, our dick size, our jobs and even fake our personalities. For fear of ending up alone, we are prepared to fake more than just our physical traits. So as Carrie Bradshaw questions, “has the fear of being alone raise the bar on faking”? Are we ready to fake an entire relationship? “Is it then better to fake it than be alone”?
Some men would rather fake it. And if that were so, than we no longer have rights over the relationship now, do we? I mean, how can we? We willingly, in the name of ‘love’, agreed to embark on this kinked relationship knowing full well the outcome of it. One thing for sure, when it comes to the holidays, prepare to spend it alone because he will be spending it with his partner. Can you blame him? Of course not! The relationship they have was built years before he even met you. They are living together, sleep in the same bed night after night and even have their symbol of commitment & love for each other in the form of two dogs – deedee & jarjar. In short, they’re a family. So what gives you the right to the custody of him over the holidays? Reading back, it made me realize that in most cases, it’s better to be alone than to fake it. Because not being in a relationship is a personal choice to be alone but being alone when you’re in a supposed ‘relationship’ is laughable.
In the end, we all choose to believe in love. We choose not to dwell on the issue that he has somebody else because ‘if he is with me now, it naturally means he is not happy with the other person’. Having said that, if that were true, have we asks ourselves this question – would he leave him for me? Because the truth is, if he really did love you as much as he claims he is, you wouldn’t be in this situation at all now, would you?
While having late night coffee with the boys one Friday night, we started talking about our love lives, or rather they started talking about theirs and I started imagining mine! Kelvin is in a relationship with someone who is already in a relationship and Steve just got out of one the same. It appears to me that being the third party in a relationship is the entire rave now. It’s so ubiquitous nowadays in our society that it has become sort of a trend. So as I listen in on the conversation, I couldn’t help but wonder. Is 3 the new 2 in a relationship?
A friend once told me that everybody cheats. And those who say they haven’t are those that are not in a relationship or have yet to be caught. After all, what is cheating if not to be caught? I’m not advocating the act itself but the thrill of doing it, knowing the possibilities of getting caught makes the relationship and its sweet bedroom rewards all the more enticing and fun. However, lest we forget, there will come a time when the thrills fade away and all we want is to be in the first chair and the relationship to be mutually exclusive to us. Because let’s face it, they may be sleeping with us now but it’s the lover’s arms that they return to at the end of the night. So in an orchestra of love, how far can we go playing second fiddle to our lover’s lover?
That night, as I lay in bed thinking of what had been discussed, I pondered upon the topic of love and relationship: in a city filled with endless possibilities, how is it that it has become impossible for smart, talented people to find love, one that is mutually exclusive to us? Are sex and relationships only exciting when you get caught? As I pondered on these questions, another thought came. Maybe, it’s not about thrill. Maybe it’s really just about love. And if so, can what started out as pure lust and non-committal sex turn into love? How long will we be able to delude ourselves into thinking that we’re alright with being in a ‘kinked’ relationship?
In life, we meet all kinds of people. Some of which we cannot stand and some we helplessly fall in love with or as Olivia Newton-John puts it hopelessly devoted to. And amongst this category of people we fall in love with, there are those that are already in a relationship. So we are hit with a conundrum – to be (in a relationship) or not to be? Our mind tells us of the wrong journeys we are about to embark on but our heart refuses to let go of the one thing that could be the light at the end of a very long and dark alley. As we embark on this ‘kinked’ relationship, we are no longer talking about thrills or spills. We’re talking about love, unsparingly hard love.
Spending Saturday watching the fab four in Sex & the City brought light on these issues. It made me realize that perhaps because we are so much in love, we tend to fake the reality of the issue in hopes of not confronting it or risk being alone. We refuse to confront the other party about their cheating behavior. To us, it’s better to just not talk about it and enjoy what’s ours than to open up the can of worms and destroy what we have. Most importantly, we forget the one thing that could save us all – can one love & cheat at the same time?
While women are no strangers to faking an orgasm, men fake about everything else. We fake our eye and hair colour, our dick size, our jobs and even fake our personalities. For fear of ending up alone, we are prepared to fake more than just our physical traits. So as Carrie Bradshaw questions, “has the fear of being alone raise the bar on faking”? Are we ready to fake an entire relationship? “Is it then better to fake it than be alone”?
Some men would rather fake it. And if that were so, than we no longer have rights over the relationship now, do we? I mean, how can we? We willingly, in the name of ‘love’, agreed to embark on this kinked relationship knowing full well the outcome of it. One thing for sure, when it comes to the holidays, prepare to spend it alone because he will be spending it with his partner. Can you blame him? Of course not! The relationship they have was built years before he even met you. They are living together, sleep in the same bed night after night and even have their symbol of commitment & love for each other in the form of two dogs – deedee & jarjar. In short, they’re a family. So what gives you the right to the custody of him over the holidays? Reading back, it made me realize that in most cases, it’s better to be alone than to fake it. Because not being in a relationship is a personal choice to be alone but being alone when you’re in a supposed ‘relationship’ is laughable.
In the end, we all choose to believe in love. We choose not to dwell on the issue that he has somebody else because ‘if he is with me now, it naturally means he is not happy with the other person’. Having said that, if that were true, have we asks ourselves this question – would he leave him for me? Because the truth is, if he really did love you as much as he claims he is, you wouldn’t be in this situation at all now, would you?
the holy book (revised) @ 10:43 PM
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