when playing it safe just doesn't cut it anymore...
these days, as i approach my 21st birthday, i thought a lot about my life and what or where it is going to. what is it that i want to achieve. what is it that i want to be. many a times, i stop myself from venturing further into questioning my journey in life. at 20, i should not be thinking about things like these. i'm still in national service and my life, for the next five years at least, is pretty much laid out for me.
i've about a year left to starting my academic life in NUS (which involves the 8 months i've to trod through before my ORD) and then i've about 4 years to get my honours (3years if i fail at graduating summa cum laude). if anything, i should be carefree. because if anything, my path in life for the next few years is generally very safe.
in actuality, my career path has somewhat been decided as well. i'm going down the path of teaching as a profession.
however, it is not always easy 'knowing' what you want to do because as time goes, i'm not certain that that is the path i want to walk down. i'm not certain if i want to be safe. what happens when playing it safe just doesn't cut it for me anymore? i couldn't help but wonder.
the possibilities are immense. a myriad of perhaps and a multiplex of maybes. perhaps i'm not cut out to be a teacher. maybe i should go somewhere else and not do a degree in NUS. perhaps. maybe. what if this is not what i want in life? am i strong enough to venture down this path and be certain that i will not look back? be certain that i will not look back and utter the words i am uttering now - "what if.." ?
i have already secured myself a place in the Faculty of Arts & Social Sciences in the National University of Singapore (NUS) and it is something i am certain i had wanted -or at least till now-. i've rejected other offers because i believed, back then, that a major in english literature would be something good for me. i'd be able to teach if i want and teach the subject i so dearly love or i could venture into fashion journalism, of which i had always wanted to do. actually, it's not so much the writing that i want to do. it's being in the world of fashion that i yearn. thus a window of opportunity presents itself to me in a form of an advertisement for the admission to the Raffles Institute of Design.
i went home that day, heading straight towards the computer. my heart racing as i typed the address to the site, knowing that countless amount of opportunities awaits me behind those firewalls. as i read through the description and entry requirements for a degree in fashion marketing and management, i couldn't help but envision myself in the world/industry i so much long to be in! i could see myself doing the degree, going to class and graduating summa cum laude. working in the industry as a retailer or a buyer.. or even a fashion critic. maybe evn a fahion journalist.
oh how wondrous it would be to be front and center at a spring/summer colletion show featuring the likes of armani or dolce & gabbana or carolina herrera or marc jacobs for louis vuitton! Seeing so many fashion heavy weights assembled in one sentence is normally enough to give any self respecting person an orgasm, just imagine!
but of course, that would have been a wonderful idea. and i guess it will remain an idea. i'm too afraid to talk to my parents about it. i'm too afraid they will freak out over my, as they call it, frivalous idea. to them, all these are just fluff. i can do what i want in life but i must first get a decent degree or a proper education. and since law or medicine or architect isn't something i'm interested in, they agreed to go along with my idea in taking the arts degree. at least to them i have a good paper qualification to back me up. therefore, so long as i have a real degree, i can do whatevar i want thereafter.
nonetheless, i don't know that i can wait that long. would i be miserable should i just carry on with my initial decision of going to NUS and attaining the arts degree. or should my heart have its way and perhaps i'd be happier.
i bought a new bag when i started junior college. i walked into people of asia and my attention was immediately drawn towards two rather identical bags. similar in every way but different in the colour. one was black and one was a dark shade of green. for a while i stood there thinking and deciding if i should get the green one. i'd had taken a fancy to green that year, i've no idea why. perhaps it has got to do with vogue's decision that green is the new black that season.
the green would make me stand out a bit, it's not the normal colour anyone would carry to school, i mean considering the colour of my uniform! and the black would definitely be the safe bet. it's plain and simple. black goes with anything and is always in fashion.. to me, black will always be the new black!
so it stands now, that i have to make a decision. i guess i'll keep it low for now and just stick to the arts degree from NUS. it is safe choice and not too risky.
oh, and i chose the black haversack instead of the green one.
i've about a year left to starting my academic life in NUS (which involves the 8 months i've to trod through before my ORD) and then i've about 4 years to get my honours (3years if i fail at graduating summa cum laude). if anything, i should be carefree. because if anything, my path in life for the next few years is generally very safe.
in actuality, my career path has somewhat been decided as well. i'm going down the path of teaching as a profession.
however, it is not always easy 'knowing' what you want to do because as time goes, i'm not certain that that is the path i want to walk down. i'm not certain if i want to be safe. what happens when playing it safe just doesn't cut it for me anymore? i couldn't help but wonder.
the possibilities are immense. a myriad of perhaps and a multiplex of maybes. perhaps i'm not cut out to be a teacher. maybe i should go somewhere else and not do a degree in NUS. perhaps. maybe. what if this is not what i want in life? am i strong enough to venture down this path and be certain that i will not look back? be certain that i will not look back and utter the words i am uttering now - "what if.." ?
i have already secured myself a place in the Faculty of Arts & Social Sciences in the National University of Singapore (NUS) and it is something i am certain i had wanted -or at least till now-. i've rejected other offers because i believed, back then, that a major in english literature would be something good for me. i'd be able to teach if i want and teach the subject i so dearly love or i could venture into fashion journalism, of which i had always wanted to do. actually, it's not so much the writing that i want to do. it's being in the world of fashion that i yearn. thus a window of opportunity presents itself to me in a form of an advertisement for the admission to the Raffles Institute of Design.
i went home that day, heading straight towards the computer. my heart racing as i typed the address to the site, knowing that countless amount of opportunities awaits me behind those firewalls. as i read through the description and entry requirements for a degree in fashion marketing and management, i couldn't help but envision myself in the world/industry i so much long to be in! i could see myself doing the degree, going to class and graduating summa cum laude. working in the industry as a retailer or a buyer.. or even a fashion critic. maybe evn a fahion journalist.
oh how wondrous it would be to be front and center at a spring/summer colletion show featuring the likes of armani or dolce & gabbana or carolina herrera or marc jacobs for louis vuitton! Seeing so many fashion heavy weights assembled in one sentence is normally enough to give any self respecting person an orgasm, just imagine!
but of course, that would have been a wonderful idea. and i guess it will remain an idea. i'm too afraid to talk to my parents about it. i'm too afraid they will freak out over my, as they call it, frivalous idea. to them, all these are just fluff. i can do what i want in life but i must first get a decent degree or a proper education. and since law or medicine or architect isn't something i'm interested in, they agreed to go along with my idea in taking the arts degree. at least to them i have a good paper qualification to back me up. therefore, so long as i have a real degree, i can do whatevar i want thereafter.
nonetheless, i don't know that i can wait that long. would i be miserable should i just carry on with my initial decision of going to NUS and attaining the arts degree. or should my heart have its way and perhaps i'd be happier.
i bought a new bag when i started junior college. i walked into people of asia and my attention was immediately drawn towards two rather identical bags. similar in every way but different in the colour. one was black and one was a dark shade of green. for a while i stood there thinking and deciding if i should get the green one. i'd had taken a fancy to green that year, i've no idea why. perhaps it has got to do with vogue's decision that green is the new black that season.
the green would make me stand out a bit, it's not the normal colour anyone would carry to school, i mean considering the colour of my uniform! and the black would definitely be the safe bet. it's plain and simple. black goes with anything and is always in fashion.. to me, black will always be the new black!
so it stands now, that i have to make a decision. i guess i'll keep it low for now and just stick to the arts degree from NUS. it is safe choice and not too risky.
oh, and i chose the black haversack instead of the green one.
the holy book (revised) @ 4:36 PM
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