i feel ..

cheated. stupid.

phil sent me an sms saying he can't make it for dinner tonight because bhai (mutual friend he decided to invite for dinner) couldn't make it.. and that -get this- his mom wants him to stay home for dinner.

right. don't insult my intelligence please.

honestly, i'm so stupid! i'm so foolish! why is it that i look for such torture. for such pain. he's not to blame. i'm at fault. i did everything willingly. he didn't even have to beg. i'd just do it in a heart beat if he asks.

i'm so foolish to believe that he'll be alright with me liking him. he's straight. straight guys are all the same. it's their natural behaviour. they get homophobic.

and i.. i bruise too easily.