what ticks me off..

you.

you and your never-ending doubts. doubts about our friendship. doubts about us. doubts about me. i'm very tired. i'm tired of having to defend myself each time you trip. how was i suppose to carry on? everytime i start to believe that things would be different. that things would turn out to be better between us, you come and spoil it for us.

i hate your little tests. i'm tired. exhausted. i feel like i've to be on two different fields all at once. i need to make both sides happy. i need to make you happy. i just need everything to stop. it irritates me that i have to seperate my friends. it irritates me that i have to keep you seperate from everything that is private to me. from everything that means something to me.

that's why i've never told you about nicolas. i've never told you about our planned trip to london next year. our plan to catch "Rent: The Musical" in november. our little outings together. because i don't want you to be a part of my life. not so much. not anymore.

i'm not sure why i keep talking to you. i'm not sure why i still have the urge to call you. but i need you to go away. i was quite happy not talking to you. and now that you are back in my life, i'm not even sure about anything anymore.

i need help. desperately.