tough love
phil sent me home last night after the unit anniversary. ok, let's rephrase, he was going home and i hitched a ride. for the longest time, i've had the biggest crush on him -cut to my previous post about men reading the papers back to front- and now i think i've just totally fallen in love with him.
he's straight, unfortunately, which makes me rather pathetic since i keep falling for the straight ones! i'm not sure wot it is that i find so alluring about straight men but when it comes to phil, it's a whole different story altogether. i'm trying to not have this mental image of myself and him already being in a relationship because that would be freaky. however, i think i'm a tad bit late for that.
jess said that phil and i looked cute together and that i should try and convert him. that's a good one jess. if only it was as simple as that. oh but the pain is unbearable. everytime he begins to talk about some girl, i completely zone out. i try to put on a face to which i appear to be listening and pretty much interested in the conversation. but inside, i'm slowly dying. my heart breaking into tiny pieces. so small it could fit into the tiny hole of a needle.
we flirt alot with each other of course. but he thinks nothing of it. am i crazy to be thinking that it all meant something? that somehow, someday, what i've always wanted would come knocking on my door? am i a fool to believe that love will find a way.
the pain of one sided and pretty much unrequited love. it's unbearable. it's too hard to handle.
i love it when he smiles. when he shower me with concerns. when he shows how upset he was that i was going on a date with a 52 year old. when he tells me that if anything happened, that i should call him and he'll be down immediately to whisk me away from the place.
how can i not fall for a man who fits every single detail of what i look for in a man? how can i not fall for the man that he is? how can i not love you?
to him, i'm just a friend. a good friend. someone he can confide in about stuff.. to me, he's my world.
i think i'm going crazy.
he's straight, unfortunately, which makes me rather pathetic since i keep falling for the straight ones! i'm not sure wot it is that i find so alluring about straight men but when it comes to phil, it's a whole different story altogether. i'm trying to not have this mental image of myself and him already being in a relationship because that would be freaky. however, i think i'm a tad bit late for that.
jess said that phil and i looked cute together and that i should try and convert him. that's a good one jess. if only it was as simple as that. oh but the pain is unbearable. everytime he begins to talk about some girl, i completely zone out. i try to put on a face to which i appear to be listening and pretty much interested in the conversation. but inside, i'm slowly dying. my heart breaking into tiny pieces. so small it could fit into the tiny hole of a needle.
we flirt alot with each other of course. but he thinks nothing of it. am i crazy to be thinking that it all meant something? that somehow, someday, what i've always wanted would come knocking on my door? am i a fool to believe that love will find a way.
the pain of one sided and pretty much unrequited love. it's unbearable. it's too hard to handle.
i love it when he smiles. when he shower me with concerns. when he shows how upset he was that i was going on a date with a 52 year old. when he tells me that if anything happened, that i should call him and he'll be down immediately to whisk me away from the place.
how can i not fall for a man who fits every single detail of what i look for in a man? how can i not fall for the man that he is? how can i not love you?
to him, i'm just a friend. a good friend. someone he can confide in about stuff.. to me, he's my world.
i think i'm going crazy.
the holy book (revised) @ 12:28 AM
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