we spiral in and out...

since the last time i blogged. i've already stopped my crazy diet. i started eating and that was a revelation in itself. oliver's been bugging me to quit my crazy diet because it's killing me. actually he made me teared. he told me that i am not strong and that i'm weak. weak in that i've fallen into society's pressure and lost the one thing that made me unique. his words hit me like daggers through my heart. but i was enlightened.

i took a long hard look at myself in the mirror that evening and i realised i've lost myself. i've lost the person who i've always known. i ate a meal that night. it was hard but i did. this journey to losing weight is a long and hard one. i texted oliver, telling him he won. that i've eaten a meal and i will stop this crazy diet. he told me he won back a friend. a friend who knows what's best for him and not someone caught up in other people's expectations.

so far i've been running once a week with colin. it's hard! really exhausting but i guess i've gotta do it. people are being supportive of me exercising to lose weight. it's amazing! so, i've gotta persevere. it's hard. but it beats killing myself.

sometimes, we spiral in and out of our bodies. and in that journey, we get to take a look at ourselves from the outside. it's not a very pretty picture.