i -heart- you

how is it that we are always in search of "the one" and never seem to be even close to finding one? i remember when i was young, my parents would tell me that if i'd wish for something really hard and blow out the candles of my birthday cake, my wish will come true. perhaps i didn't wish hard enough, or maybe i didn't word it right. twenty years on, i'm still trying hard to wish for "the one" to appear in front of me. to sweep me off my feet. suffice to say, i've had no luck with boys! the men that comes through my door are all man by gender.. characteristically.. well, they're beyond definitions!

living the gay life in singapore hasn't been an easy and smooth sailing journey. we're always expected to behave a certain way, walk a certain way and dress a certain way. i haven't met one person who's personality just floored me. it's not that i don't give singaporean gay men a chance.. i do. but sometimes it's so difficult. eveyone, well almost everyone, wants sex. it's as if we are so caught up with just having sex, we're no longer interested in love. since when did sex lose it's magic. since when did sex take over the generic term of "making love"? call me old fashion, but i'd still prefer to be pursued and be taken out to dinners and movies and the occasional all expenses paid shopping spree just because you love me. and then, when the time is right. when the moon shines above us and in the midst of a silly old love song, you sweep me off my feet and make me helpless that i can't do anything but to succumb to your love. oh all that's but a dream, something i keep living for. gay people are now more caught up in the idea of having great bods = great sex. we are all gym bunnies. we are super vain and occupy our time sculpting our bodies to grossly unsightly proportions. i'm not saying it's bad to have a great body.. but let's not get carried away with it!

sure, there are people out there like me who longed to be desired. longed to be in a true and honest relationship. well, at least that's what their profiles on gay sites proclaimed. but it's funny to note that the same people who are desiring for such relationships post photos of their bodies in semi-naked and glistening forms. it's so ironic that we ask for "true & honest relationship with no superficiality" and yet everyone of our photos shows our naked body. superficial much?

love in the city like singapore is definitely there, it just takes too long to find. after awhile we get jaded. well, at least i know i'm getting jaded.

-someday my prince charming will come- (oh wake up!)