if it's wrong to love you..

i went out with my ambiguous yesterday. it was one of those "spur of the moment", out of the blue invitation that i received from him. i was rather excited. for the longest time i made sure that if we were to go out, he would be the one who should be asking me out and not the other way round. like i said in the previous entry, i'm a conservative! i like to be pursued. hah! i sound pathetic.

but it was an amazing day. i can practically call it a date. he paid for everything. from the movie ticket, to the subway sancwich lunch all the way to my $120 Raoul shirt. how lucky can a gay guy get? sigh. if only he WAS my boyfriend.

i went home that night on a bus. throughout the journey, i couldn't help but smile to myself. i kept thinking or imagining what it would be like to have him as my boyfriend. sigh. where are all the good guys? are they all straight? why am i only attracted to straight guys? in any case, of all the guys i've went out with, the straight ones were the only few that are willing to shower me with unconditional love. seriously, i know he's not looking for sex because he's straight. but it's so confusing. it's like one day i know you're straight and the next, i'm not so sure anymore.

honestly, i think gay guys in singapore are lacking in the romance department. all they want to do ALL day is go to the gym and club and have sex. has gay living become only about these three things? i feel jaded. what evar happened to romancing the partner? what ever happened to getting to know each other better? i mean surely sex is not the sole important thing in life. so why is it that most of us are so caught up with this concept? it gets very exhausting at times to try and find a lover and yet not finding the right one. or anyone for that matter.

why can't my ambiguous come out and tell me what i've been dying to hear from him?