i'm not sure if i want to continue on this charade. i'm not even sure if this is for real or just a front we put up. or rather, i put up. my heart calls for you to be with me. to be close, like we used to be. but my mind just refuses to let you in.

i'm too tired, exhausted even, at having to work on a friendship. must a friendship be so much work?! shouldn't it just happen naturally? if we're really as close as we said we were, then how is it that so much work needs to be done to maintain it?

i'm not sure anymore. not sure if it's all hypocrisy wearing the mask of friendship. i'm tired of having to feel frustrated. having to scoop up the pieces and piece it back together. it's not possible. all the cracks can still be seen. it's no longer perfect..

i would love to have a break from you. to know wot i want. to know wot's good for me. but it's so difficult to even say it to you. because the feeling of wanting you near is stronger than the ones that don't.

i'm not sure anymore.